Tending bar.

What I do for my friends ...
Like the other day when my friend - and cousin - Bacchus called in a grand funk complaining the moment I said "Hello?" that he had no bartender for his club the Snake Pit that evening and could I "please, please - PLEASE!" - he was always a melodramatic one, that boy - come and tend the bar for him?
Just two hours, he swore on his mother's grave.
I should have known better - his mum ain't even dead ...
Well - being a silly chick I said "Yeah, yeah, sure, Bac - I will be there in forty minutes. So don't get your knickers in a twist" As I hang up I looked across the bed at my imaginary Johnny sighing "Are you sure he's wearing any?"
You see - Johnny felt rather disappointed (as did I, frankly) since we had actually hoped for a quiet, very cosy early night in bed because the weather was doing it best to imitate a horror movie outside - that is, the wind was howling and the rain hammering on the windows.
But unfortunately we had forgot to get the phone off the hook and this dumb bird just automatically answered it when it rang - so there we were; up the famouse creek and certainly without a paddle.
But my sweet boy is a generous man so after some initial pouting he suddenly sat up and reaching for his pants said "I'm coming with you then! Bacchus usually have some excellent music so I can listen and keep you company back and forth"
That of course earned him a big hug and a kiss from me.
But Johnny soon pushed me gently away from him moaning "Now, now, baby bird. If you turn me on like that you might not be able to find the 'off' button in time and then were is Bacchus gonna get a bartender tonight?"
So off we went and before long we were standing in the semi-dark cave of the Snake Pit and Johnny was smiling from ear to ear kissing my check and whispered into my ear "Well, if I can't have you I'll take Aerosmith any time - see you late, lady alligator!" and left with a happy skip towards the scene where he a moment later were jamming with Steven Tyler.
I shook my head grinning - then suddenly in my ever fertile and silly imagination saw Tyler and Johnny at it - and decided I needed a drink!
Bacchus looked very relieved when I slip under the bar and greeted him. He smiled happily and said "Well, two for the prize of one. I see you brought your very own little rock star so we can get some extra excellent guitar solos tonight"
Here I stuck my tongue out at my cousin. I hadn't 'brought' Johnny and especially not to help Bacchus sell more booze.
But that just made him smile broader and add "O.K. if you handle that end away from the scene I'll take this end closest to the music. There are usually most people up here so you won't get too busy. And I can see you already have a costumer - but he should be no problem. Just don't burn off the Rum and you should be able to stay on Jack's good side"
"And if not I'll at least be sure to stay down wind" I giggled and moved down the bar to where Jack Sparrow just smacked his hat onto the wood and yelled "Rum, bartender! Oh - hi, Meeps! Has Bacchus lured you into working for him now?"
I served him his Rum and then asked "Sorry - what did you say, Jack?" He shook his beautiful head so all the little trinkets in his hair danced around it and then hammered his fist into the bar. "I thought I had seen it all! But I swear, Meeps ... Those women are crazy! Stark raving mad, I tell you ..."
A moment I looked at Bacchus at the other end of the bed joking with a buxom blond wondering if he was up to his old tricks driving women so mad they might tear a poor rock star - I mean; Orpheus - apart with their bare hands.
Then Jack added "And I'll claim the younger they are the worse it is. ... I hate to admit it but all those fans yelling and screaming - and - and claiming they want to bear my child scare me more than .. Barbossa and his skeleton pirates. I am not proud of it - but still - that's a fact! Savvy?"
I nodded and said what I hoped where some soothing words when Tommy Hanson came up and ordered a cool bear for himself and then nodding behind him added "But Ichabod over there better stick to something without alcohol - you all remember last time he got drunk, right?"
Here both Jack and I giggled.
Clearly remembering Ichabod having persuaded his wife Katrina to get up on stage and sing karaoke with him and singing so off-key one shouldn't think Johnny Depp was his alter ego.
... O.K. maybe it was the gin doing the singing so he's probably excused. ... tshee-hee.
Before leaving with the Coke and the Budweiser though Tommy looked from Jack to me and back again and then said with that mischievous smile I love so much "O.K. I heard what you said, Jack - just now. Now maybe if Meeps had your egg - I mean of course your kid - then people would leave off a bit. Not be at you quite so much"
Here Tommy had to move quickly to save his drinks from the grand sweeping swing Jack made with his hat trying to hit the naughty officer's head and giggled loudly when Jack roared "My EGG !?!"
"Yes" Tommy laughed at a safe distance "Egg. Since you are a sparrow and she is a chicken - or is that magpie, little Miss Meeps? It has to be egg then"
"Get lost!" I smiled.
And Jack buried his head groaning in his hands. But his shoulders shook with laughter none the less. If Johnny Depp's roles has a common denominator it is the ability to laugh at themselves.
So Tommy left smiling for the table where Ichabod sat waiting listening to Tyler wail from the scene "Pink is my favourite color"
And I wondered for a moment if that wasn't quite true also for the most girlish police officer I have ever had the pleasure of following around in Sleepy Hollow.
Just when I was about to ask Jack his opinion about Ichabod favourite colour Raoul Duke came towards the bar arguing wildly with young Glen Lantz.
For a moment I couldn't get any sense out of what they were saying. Just that both meant that something were more butt ugly - their expression -o* -than the other and each had his favourite - or perhaps the opposite, in this case.
Then I heard Raoul state with conviction "Freddy Krueger is no way nearly as ugly as doctor Gonzo with horns on his head and hairy tits all the way down his back!"
"Hi, you two!" Jack grumbled before I could say anything "The lady is waiting for your order! And you, Glen, is way too young to be in here anyway so out you go" ... fanzy the pirate knowing the law but he did say that *O*
Glen started to protest that he was all of twenty-one.
But I had to tell the little sweetie though that; yes, Johnny Depp had indeed been 21 when Freddy had him as his bedtime snack. Where as he - Glen - was still at school and as such not old enough to be in the bar at all.
Glen pouted - and looked ever so cute - mumbling as he left "Grown-up SUCKS !!!" ... and he may indeed have a point there - he.
Raoul looked a moment rather confused. Scratching his bald pate and looking at Jack like he had never met anybody so silly. And I wonder a bit at the pirate myself since he was not normally a guy who stuck to rules and regulations.
Jack indeed looked a bit ashamed of himself but then said with a wry smile "I am trying to see how it feel to be responsible, Meeps. If we really are suppose to build a nest together I thought I better - YIKES !?!"
Here Jack had to duck so as not get swapped on the head with my tea towel. And both Raoul and him laughed loudly when I made a face and stuck my tongue out at them too.
"No, sweetie" Jack smiled. "I just tried to safe Glen from blushing having to hear your usually gushing about how cute and sweet and - and ADORABLE, you think, he is. He's a sensitive young man and should not have to go through that 'torture' just to get a drink - I think" Jack smiled.
But then blushed deeply himself when I calmly informed him that he was just as cute, sweet and ADORABLE as his younger 'brother'
"Really, Meeps!" mumbled Jack.
Then got up and left for a table with Raoul shaking his head as they went. But not without a small flattered smile over his shoulder for me.
Now I thought the night couldn't get any more strange.
But after a couple of ordinary costumers Hades came in and sat himself down complaining that his wife did not understand him ... Perhaps not so surprisingly since he had abducted her in the first place and then demands she spend each winter in cold, damp - booooooooring - Tartoros, when the girl want to go sun bathing at the beaches of Create and Cypress and skiing on Mount Olympos ...
After Hades had left for a more sympathic bartender's ear to whine in Ed Wood and Gilbert Grape came in together and asked me worriedly if I had seen Freddy Abberline. I had to say "No" to that. At least not that evening.
The two sweeties looked concerned at each other and I asked of course "Why?" starting to getting anxious myself.
"Well" Gilbert said hesitantly "Freddy is chasing the dragon and - and we would like to find him before anything bad might happened ..."
I reminded them that there was unfortunately nothing new in our boy taking a pipe of opium. That that was of course not healthy for him. But he was use to it and knew how much to smoke without harming himself.
But here Ed interrupted me by saying "No, Meeps - you don't understand. Freddy is chasing A dragon! Named Aurola ... And the problem is that although he is very much in love with her she ... don't want him. Says; he's charming and nice and all that. But that human-dragon relationships give nothing, but nothing but trouble. So forgetaboutit, bud!"
Here Gilbert suddenly looking wonderingly at me and asked quietly "Meeps ... Is there a sort of mob among dragons? Or Yakusa - no, she's a Chinese dragon, so I guess it is called the Triad"
I couldn't help laughing at that. Thinking of the proud independent dragons having to take order from some sort of Godfather - be he Marlon Brando, Al Pacino or Al Capone.
I comforted my friends that I was quite sure there was no organised crime or anything else of that nature among dragons. As a matter of fact it can be pretty chaotic being with them.
Then I thought a bit more about it for a moment and said "Look, boys - I think you can relax ... I don't know Aurola that well. She being a rain dragon and most of those I know personal is wood dragons or the ancient gold dragons. But the fact that she didn't tore his head off - more or less literally - suggest to me that she is actually interested. Despite what she said. No ever so dainty dragon miss is a shrinking violet - so if they are actually talking that is definitely good news!"
Ed and Gilbert looked relieved and decided to wait a bit then and see what would happen. Having ordered their drinks they left for the table where Jack now was telling tall tales about people in tall ships to half the bar. He can certainly spin a yarn, our pretty pirate.
I thought about calling Amy and Yacko though.
They are a couple of my dragon friends. And I wanted to hear if they knew anything about Aurola. I certainly wanted Freddy to be happy - maybe chasing one kind of dragon could help him not to chase another so much - but I also wanted him to stay in one piece so I wanted to ask my friends if Aurola was safe for humans to be around.
But before I managed to do that I was suddenly was face to face with agent Sands looking angry at me with those deliciously beautiful chocolate brown eyes. He almost yelled "You can not go around changing the story of the movie just because you a squeamish little yellow chicken, Meeps!"
A moment I didn't know what he talked about but then I belated remembered what I had told him last time I saw him at a street in Mexico.
"B-but" I stuttered - Johnny's characters can look rather scary when mad - "what's wrong with you having your eyes back? O.K. - maybe I could have been more polite instead of frankly telling you that if you were to visiting me you would have to have your eyes back ... But what's wrong with being able to see - rub your eyes when tired - cry even if you feel like it, baby"
Sands kept looking very mad for a moment longer.
Then his shoulders slumped a bit and he smiled a wry smile saying "No, but, sweetie - you can't go changing the stories people want to hear. I mean; want to watch ... Looking like this I am just another ordinary dumb CIA agent again having to walk around Mexico trying to look cool while having a sinking feeling I might look like any other jerk! With my eyes gouged out I was a romantic wounded hero out to do battle with the bad guys - or something like that. What am I now?"
I thought for a moment about that.
Then Joe Pisto - Donnie Brasco, I mean - suddenly said beside me "Lucky? Bacchus has a thing about his eyes - wants to keep both so he can find his glass and his wench and he might have thrown you right out of the Snake Pit on your little green ear if you hadn't been ordered about a bit by our wee bird here"
Sands thought about that suggestion for a minute while Aerosmith asked in the background "Going up?"
Then he smiled a bit and said quietly "O.K. I admit I also prefer to be able to see where my tequila and my chi .. chick is. BUT - young Meeps! - when ever somebody want to see the movie I do have to have my eyes removed for the last scenes! I can't tell Rodriguez that because of a very silly birdie way over in Denmark we suddenly have to make the whole movie different!"
"Sure" I smiled.
I didn't want to think more about a Johnny without eyes so I hurried up and asked Donnie if he had seen Freddy recently. He shook his head.
But Roux leaning over his shoulder said with that fabulous smile of his "I have. Just now. Over at the dance floor - hugging the hottest Chinese lady I have ever seen and dancing so well they are almost sitting the floor on fire. ... must be her leading because Freddy never was much of a dancer"
And sure enough. When I look over at the area in front of the stage there was Frederick Abberline looking so happy my heart jumped with joy for him.
But before I could walk over and say "Hi" I had to turn my attention to Spencer Armacost who just at that moment shouldered his way past Donnie. Not a very safe thing to do to an almost made man, I admit. But then again Spencer was a alien and didn't quite understand the rules that make normal people at least mumble "Excuse me" before pushing past.
Spencer did not look at all happy though and the moment he caught my eye complained "Something strong. Double up and straight, Meepsie! My wife do not understand me!"
Roux look at the back of Spencer's head like he couldn't believe he had just heard that old cliché being aired.
Where as Donnie said quietly "I know what you mean, pal. Why don't you tell us about it" and looked so comforting and nice that I don't wonder why Lefty told Donnie all he shouldn't have told him.
"She just doesn't understand!" Spencer pouted - and as usually looked so cute one wanted to eat him with a tea spoon - "O.K.! O.K.! I admit - I am of course an alien and all that - jazz. But still ... And I accept that she killed me. As Gilbert can tell you the mantis do that too to it's beloved. But how could she get BOYS!"
"Eh - what's wrong with boys?" I had to ask and then pointed out "You are all boys after all. ... Bon Bon isn't at home tonight - is still in Paris at the fashion week - so you are all males here. And what's wrong with that? Some of my best friends are males"
My own Johnny Sweets had left the stage by now when Harry Belafonte took over from the Aerosmith. He loves the music Mr. Belafonte can produce but claim he can't play it. ... I think he can. But if my lovely guy isn't totally perfect at something though he'll rather claim he can't do it - the silly boy.
But now he hopped up on the bar and reached over and kissed me saying "Come on, Meeps. You know Spencer was - or should I say Fraczitsum Adorex was female until she met Spencer and decided to occupy the poor man's body. And that she comes from a planet where it is the females who rules. So of course she - he - what ever - want girls"
Then he turned towards Spen - or should I cluck Ms. Fraczitsum - and smiled "But what you don't know is that here on Earth it is the man's sperm deciding the sex of the child so there was nothing Spencer's poor wife could do about that!"
What happened next was to be frank amazing - not to say unbelievable ...
So I do not blame you if you don't believe me at all when I tell you that the person in front of me suddenly lifted his - her? - head and screamed so loud Bacchus' pride and joy - six crystal glasses on their own special shelf beside the cash register - shattered into tiny shards.
Then the body felt to the floor and ... something - rushed out of it and disappeared wailing like a lost soul past a scared Dean Corso who had just open the door from the outside in order to enter the bar.
Donnie knelt quickly down and a moment later said happily "Hi - he's alive! Meeps - something strong quickly, please!"
And not only was Spencer alive. He was also his own sweet self again. Although mightily confused as to what he was doing at the Snake Pit.
After having downed the whiskey I gave him he asked if anybody knew where his wife was.
Nobody did at first.
But then Aurola Chen - Freddy Abberline's rain dragon lady, savvy -o* ? - pushed in among the taller men and said quietly "I do, Mr. Armacost"
Then looking up at me now sitting beside Johnny on top of the bar frowned and added "And she is probably just as baffled about what has happened here tonight as you are. Really, Meeps - isn't it enough you are changing the odd fairy tales and famous books you love to suit you - Ma'am! What do you think Johnny Depp's fans will say to all this - hullabaloo?"
I wasn't sure and told her as much.
Then got very surprised when she moved forward saying "Wake up, baby girlie!" and laid her hands around my head and kissed my mouth.
I opened my eyes to tell her that I was sorry about it - but I was Johnny's girl!
But instead of looking at Aurola's human form I looked up at Johnny's gorgeous face.
"Hi there, you" my darling boy smiled "Did I take that long at the bathroom that you go ahead and fall asleep on me"
And he apparently had taken that long taking a shower before we should enjoy ourselves in bed because I had falling asleep and dreamt the whole thing.
I nodded and kissed Johnny back mumbling "Yes, baby"
But then - before Johnny could do any more of that 'Old Black Magic' called love he 'weave so well' I said "One moment, please!" and turning rapidly disconnected the phone.
Just in case dreams do come true ...

Tshee-hee-hee *O*