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O.K. - just a quick explanation ...
My darling totally invented - and proud of same -o* - boyfriend Johnny Sweets beloved Mumsy and
Dads are the ancient goddess of love Aphrodite and the ancient god of - what-ever *O* - Hermes *o*
Not to mention Hermes has been my beloved honorary uncle as long as I can remember - tshe *o* *blushes
shyly because same sweet god claims he loves his little Chickiepoo *
After we had decided that those two should be MY Johnny's mum and dad Johnny arranged - quite
without asking me - for Athena and Hefaistos to adopt me. 'cause - as the sweetie mumbled blushing - "Your real
life parents are dead and - and you ought to have somebody to love you"
YAAAAAHUUUUUUUUUUUUUH *O*
To my great surprise Athena accepted ...
That arrangement also brought us a darling - if sometimes bossy and rather formidable - Grandie
*O* I mean; grandmother Hera -o*
And now let's jump into the story!
Time: June 8, 2004
Place: My imaginary house - and garden - at the edge of the World Wide Wood *O*
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WARNING: Here be swear words, sex and silliness ! *o* !
SUPER ... SOMETHING *O*
Now, my imaginary Johnny is a very sweet man - SUPERsweet, actually. He's so sweet that
when I invented him I actually decided to call him Johnny Sweets - also trying to make sure people don't get the idea that
I have been to France and nicked Mademoiselle Paradis' property!
So when I came home yesterday and said "What's up, doc?"
kissing his cheek I got rather surprised when he said in an rather angry tone of voice "Nothing!"
I backed up a bit and
looked at him typing away furiously at the computer keyboard and thought; "What have I done?"
... or perhaps not done
but ought to have done - if you follow my drift?
After a moment though my sweetie stopped writing and sighed deeply. Then
looked over at me with those adorable eyes looking rather sad and tired - heart wrenching, actually - and said quietly "Sorry
about that, baby girlie. Didn't mean to snarle at you but I ... You know I was suppose to get ideas for our new story while
you were with Raistlin - how did that go by the way?"
"Excellent" I smiled. Then explained "We was trying out The Wizard's
First Rule. That is, run like He.. when the male dragon notice you have just tied a pink bow around its tailtip. Raist's hair
did get singed a bit ... But he said, he had been thinking about cutting it some anyway. And so we won the bet with Dalamar
alright"
I looked a bit closer at my boy and then moved over and sat myself down on his lap.
... I am a rather heavy woman and was at first afraid I would break Johnny's thigh bones
sitting there. But he has kept telling me he love having an 'armful girl', as he calls it. So now - after nine years of relationship
- I place myself there with great pleasure.
... to worried fans I might add I have lost some weight during those years
so it isn't so hard anymore on the poor little babyboy as it once was - tshee-hee *o*
Yesterday I kissed his cute little
nose and ask "But what have you been doing? And don't worry if you haven't come up with any ideas after all ... I am pretty
sure nobody reads our silliness anyway so we have all the time in the world. We can even come back as ghost or something and
keep on writing if you want - be "ghostwriters" so to cluck"
Johnny smiled at that and then buried his head against my
breast sighing "I have no ideas - none! Nada! Zilch !!! ... just as I had strung up the hammock in the garden and was ready
to have some quality time with my imagination your mother came for a visit. With a thunderclap that almost knocked me off
the hammock, by the way. ... And scared the sh.. out of Cerberos who disappeared with a frightened "Piiiv!" in the direction
of the stable. I have looked in on him - he was sleeping contently in Gunpowder's box, when I was down there after your mother
left - more quietly this time. But I frankly don't think, she can handle watching all those "Xena, warrior princess" re-runs,
sweetie. It reminds her of when she was the goddess of war way back when - and now with Troy coming up ... Anyway; Athena
is also - was - the goddess of wisdom and she had a list - of books ... This one. And wanted me to type it up on the computer
for her - in alphabetical order, no less ... And your mother's handwriting hasn't improved over the years. Either that or
maybe she's still mad because the Greek gods and goddess got no roles in Troy ... I don't know. But there is about 500 books
here - written down in the order, she has bought them ... And can you read this? Is it Shakespeare or Stevenson ... There
is a difference, you know! Oh, I do love it when you giggle!"
Here Johnny decided he'ld rather kiss me instead of
complaining.
And since I whole heartedly agreed with that I took the list out of his hand - so he
could use that much better for caresses instead - and dumped it unceremoniously into the waste paper basket beside the computer
table.
Then remembering my mother's temper said "One moment, darling" and fished it up again. To Johnny's horror I crumpled
the sheets of thin paper into a ball and threw it directly at the computer screen mumbling "Process!" and only at the last
moment remebered to add the magic word.
... oh - the magic word? Well, "Please", of course -O*
My computer
complained severely at that order. Grumbling and claiming my dear Dads had made it quite mechanically with NO magic at all.
But I just stuck my tongue out and precised "Alphabetically, thank you!" knowing full well all the magic swirling around in
in a house inhabitted by a silly witch - me - and my enchanting charming baby had made the poor
machine something my father
Hefaistos had never intended it to be, when he made it.
"Why ..." Johnny sat with his mouth open looking from me to the
now quietly working computer and back again.
Then he exploded. "Why the Hell didn't your fu.... mother do that herself!
That coniving, manipulative bi... - no, I won't insult neither you nor any doggies! But why did she NOT do that herself? I
know she says technology and magic are only suppose to help us having an easier every day life, but ... And I totally fell
for all her cr.. about me being such a sweet boy - who loooves books and - and ... And yes, I do! But not making looooong
list of books I would rather read! That - that ... UH!"
"There, there, my sweet baby" I purred kissing him and smiling
a bit too since I knew very well why my mother had done this.
After a while spending happily exploring each other we unfortunately
heard the doorbell and Johnny grumbling let me go to answer it.
His face lit up in one of his beautiful smiles though when he saw that the guest was
his father. So he got up and hugged him and soon we were cosy seated in the garden just outside the kitchendoor - not that
many steps from the fridge with its cool drinks and tasty snacks, that is.
Hermes and Johnny was happy with cold bears and I was dipping my nose in a glass of chilled
coke.
But after having exchanged some pleasantries I noticed that my father-in-law looked rather seriously for such an
easy-going man - god - and asked him how come.
"Well" Hermes sighed filling his pipe and letting Johnny light it for him
"I just ... I made the mistake before coming here looking a bit at CNN and BBC. Just to see what is happening with this old
earth of ours and ... Frankly, my dear - I wish I could said I don't give a damn. Yes, Johnny, I know what I just said wasn't
the correct quote. But - it does worry me that Ares still have so much power over humans ... So many following him and worshipping
at his alters. After all these years one should think people would be wiser. Have become use to all his tricks and excuses
for a nice handy little war in the afternoon or such ... Have found out that it take about 18 years to 'produce' a soldier
but in un-lucky cases only a second or two to kill said poor young boy. But they still claim killing are necessary to get
their point across - or something"
"Yes" Johnny nodded "I have wondered at that myself, Dads. Why doesn't they follow Mumsy's
way of love instead of Ares' ... war-mongering? I am SO glad, you are my father - not Ares. It might as well have been him.
He is Eros' daddy - even though my poor half brother don't have much of a relationship with the old goat"
I shook my head
too.
But then remembered something my grandious grandmother Hera had told me in an angry moment and asked "Has it anything
to do with that ... belt of Mumsy's she lend to Grandie that one time when Grandie wanted Zeus to do her bidding without realising
he did so? It got stolen ... And one day I mentioned it Grandie was quite sure Ares and Hades had stolen it. Either of them
or both together ... To get more costumers for war and death, she claimed. And that said precious piece accessory
is now hidden well away in the hindmost cupboard's secret compartment of Tartaros' kitchen"
To my great surprise Hermes
got his note-book out when I said that and asked Johnny to borrow him a pen adding "Why, sweetie - why haven't you told me
that theory earlier? I have been looking for that belt ever since it got missing after Zeus - stripped your grandmother during
the war of Troy ... And nobody ever told ME that it might be down there! But no, kids - it's unfortunately not that easy.
Or we could just sneak in and get the belt back. I am sure your clever mother, Meeps, could come up with a very ingenious
plan for that little raid. We could enter through the backdoor now Cerberos is your spoiled doggie and so no fierce guard
dog is prowling the compound. And your dad, Meepsie - being the god of tinkers ... Would you mind NOT repeating THAT to your
father-in-law, my dear gigglepuss - really, JOHNNY! I wish that I had never heard you call him that - almost wish I had never
heard it. Tshe ... But Hefaistos could very easily outdo dear Q of James Bond-fame inventing more or less useful gadgets for
us to use"
I giggled too and got up to get more to drink saying over my shoulder "But you say that's not it?"
"Not all
of it, no. Unfortunately ..." Hermes said and had to borrow Johnny's lighter again. Sometimes I think he use more time on
lighting that pipe than smoking it!
As I came back from the kitchen my father-in-law stated "Nope! The whole problem started
with Uranos and Gaia ... Now there was a marriage made in Hell. ... o.k. - neither Hell nor marriage were 'invented' at the
time. But their turbulent .. relationship made all they created just as ... well, screwed up as they were. I don't know if
it was because their children -
humans among them - inherited their awful way of behaving og same children got totally
- what is it you called it the other day, Johnny? Zonked out of their minds - because their parents couldn't stop argueing
and actually fighting - throwing vulcanos at each other for crying out loud. The poor mountains - Mount Vesuvious among them
- are still having stomach problems - belching smoke and sometime red, hot lava up because they got so scared back then. And
please don't ask me, sweeties, why they fought and fought and still couldn't keep away from each other. Still do, actually
... It was just one of those things, as Cole
Porter ... Or was it somebody else who said that? Nevermind! For one thing
not even I was around back then ... Close your mouth, Johnny! Naughty boy. Yes, I am ancient - but not that OLD! And ... they
didn't even have no in-laws or siblings or friends - or anything to
make trouble in 'Paradise' - so I can't explain"
"Maybe
that's why ... They were lonely. And that's NOT healthy!" Johnny ventured leaning eagerly forward "I won't say I always 'love'
my mother-in-law. Or any 'in-laws' sometimes ... Not at all" Here he winked at me thinking of the list "But still" he continued
"she has her good moments too. Just take the surprise-party you guys threw last year at my birth .. day ... Hi! Wait a damn
shining minute!" Johnny got halfway up looking from one laughing face to another. Then sank back in the groaning wicker garden
chair laughing that wonderful infectious laughter he has and shaking his beautiful head.
"Really" he said when he had finished
laughing "All that book-list stuff was just to make sure I stayed here while you were gone with your cousin, Meeps. Right?
And what were you and our dear archmage doing? Not adding bows to dragon tails, I bet ... Not unless it was uncle Draco's
tail and he would just let you. Have you been arranging fireworks like last year? I hope our melodramatic wizard won't make
a repeat performance with real rockets like he did in last time. Did you see your mother's face when one of them hit the juke
box front and center and the poor music machine started playing "Peace In The Valley" - making our Grandie almost faint
with delight because it was her darling Elvis ... She was rather tipsy by then, I guess"
Johnny laughed again. So hard
this time he had to leave for the bathroom.
While he's gone Hermes urged me "Please don't tell him anything about the
party, Meepsie. I know you love him so very much, but ... You also know how his mother loves her surprises and - and she will
pout for the next millinium if he isn't suitable surprised tomorrow. We should actually not have said anything, I guess
... I better go before my enchancing son charms any more secrets out of me. Besides I promised your Grandie to buy balloons
at Mark & Spencer. They have a sale on party stuff ... Yikes - they are closing in 3 minutes!"
With that claim my dear
favorite god stuffed his gold pocket watch safely down into the appropiate pocket, kissed my nose and disappeared with a "Bye-bye,
my sweet boy!" to a startled Johnny just entering the garden again.
Disappeared in a dainty green cloud of magic-dust which immediately set me sneezing
violently. ... if there is some sort of 'hay-fever' having to do with divine magic-dust I am suffering from it - bigtime!
Maybe I should ask Merlin if there is a cure when I see him at the party ...
When I finalled had dried my eyes and blown
my nose for the last time I explained to Johnny that his Dad had to fly - or what ever one call it - and then brazed myself
for trying to fend off curious questions about the party the ninth.
But my sweet boy - even though being born curious and never cured - had apparently decided
not to embarrass me with questions he knew I shouldn't answer because his question was about something else entirely. Which
took me quite by surprise too ...
'cause he asked eagerly "Why don't you and I nip down into Tartaros and see if we can
find Mumsy's belt !?! I'ld love to see her face if we could give it back to her. And with all those new spells you have got
that should be easy. What'd you say, baby girlie?"
For a moment I didn't say anything - being too flabbergasted to utter
anything sensible. After a big gulp of cold coke I did try to find some appropiated answer saying "But ... I am only a third
rate witch. You're right. I have a lot of new spells now but ... I am still trying to learn to use all of them and - and I
have to pass a text before being allowed to use them legally. ... and we are actually in enough trouble with
Hades after having run of his dog like that, me thinks. Ares I won't even talk about. He thinks I am Gabrielle's twin seperated
at birth and claims that betweens us we have totally spoiled his beloved 'warrior princess' for him"
Johnny giggled
at that. He loves Xena too and spoils her just as much he spoils everybody else if he can get away with it.
But then his
thoughts went back to his pet idea and he pouted - looking adorable - and said "But .. I will be with you. And am I not your
Superman? Able to do all possible things - and some impossible too just for good measure ... Rigth, sweetie?"
Just to get
his point more forcefully across my sweetie kissed me to make sure I was listening. ... it didn't quite work though -
to be frank his kisses are so wonderful I tend to forget what we are talking about.
Tshee-hee *O*
I did try to get my thoughts together when we had to stop to get our
breath back and murmured "Superman, you ain't - but super sweet - certainly" Then when Johnny started to protest I pointed
out "You don't like flying that much, pet - then how can you be Superman? And you better not be Spiderman since you do not
enjoy the little cribbly-crawlies or what ever it is one calls them that much - only the safe Danish kind"
Johnny shuddered
thinking of the bigger ones and shook his head saying "That's true ... How about Batman then"
"Nope!" I started
firmly "I'll NOT share you with Robin - or Batgirl. ... I'll actually like to know if your muse showed up for work earlier
before Mama came with her list? You are way too charming to people and they fall in love with all the time. I am not that
jealous - but you know your last muse had to quit because she claimed just you smiling at her broke her heart. And I am not
sure I like sharing you with love sick young ladies in very thin almost see-through robes anyway"
Johnny giggled delighted
at that while blushing a pretty pink and shook his head saying "No muse. Nope! I had hardly started thinking about anything
before she arrived - your Mum. Beside - my current muse is a hardheaded elf - MALE elf - from Silvanesti who has managed worse
cases than me, he claims! ... but - maybe I could use that charm you always claim I have to get us in and out of Hades' kingdom.
How about that plan, honey pot? I am after all married to Merlin and Raistlin Majere's favorite little chicken-witch so some
of your magic may have rubbed off on me"
"Sure it has, pet. And I'm NOT their favorite - really, Johnny" I laughed. Then
had to be serious and add "You are even born very magical - couldn't be otherwise with those parents, I guess. But since your
magic is instinctive - you after all never went to Wayrath or Hogward or anything like that - I am not sure you could use
it in such a situation. Hades is after all an 'old hand' in defending what is his ... And please remember we don't even know
if Grandie is right. Not to mention - she did just say 'the hindmost cupboard's secret compartment' - that's a bit
vague, don't you think"
Johnny agree on the last point.
Then suggested with a kiss we should go to bed early and enjoy
ourselves. I was of course all for that. But couldn't help smiling when Johnny while moving towards our lovely bed got back
to his idea saying "Are you sure I am not some sort of ... super - super-something? ...
Superwoman, if nothing
else! I wouldn't mind wearing a bra and panties - dress up as your beloved Bon Bon - if that could get Mumsy her belt back
and get the world a bit more love and peace and - and ... Hi, you? What are you doing with my pants, young bird ..."
"Just
checking" I mumbling yanking them a bit further out in front and then looked smiling up at Johnny stating "Check!
One piece of male equipment firmly in place where it is suppose to be, sweetie! So no - you ain't SuperWOMAN either! Sorry
about, my sweet Bon Bon. ... you could be "superduck" I guess - being born at the same date my beloved Donald Duck is"
"I'll
'duck' you" Johnny giggled.
Then saying just like Duckburg's most famous piece of poultry tipped me over in bed and
started to show me what he could do with hands, lips - anything! ... now I won't go into detailles about what my
superSWEET
sweetie can and did do. Such things are private in my opinion. But I can say that much ...
It was SUPER
! *O* !
And missing belts or not the whole little house was filled with love.
So much so I even have
some for you ...
So:
Love Meeps.
... oh, and I of course send my LOVE to the other birthday boy having been born the ninth of June!
CONGRATULATION,
JOHNNY DEPP
!!! *o* !!!
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